Laura: I was, umm... rehearsing. Techie: No Ryan tonight, eh? Aus: -=finds a piece of chalk and tosses it at a button on the ceiling - clicks it, and the camera's ON light flickers into existence=- Laura: Nope. Welcome to the 4th ARC class,which was supposed to be "Leupaks 101", and quite obviously, isn't. Here's our substitute teacher, Aus. Arc: "101 Leupaks? That's all we need." Laura: with a ....umm...class... on, er.... Aus: Welcome, Laura: Okay, well, take it away, Aus! Aus: students, readers, and extremely bored people perusing this log for no reason. Paul: Good morning teacher! Sorry couldn't help it Aus: We have a new v- er, student with us - meet Paul. -=indicates the Paul=- Paul: *stands up, waves* Techie: C'mon, it could be the next great Disney Movie, a sequel to the dalmatians, kinda. Aus: Paul will be our test sub- errr... volunteer today, isn't that right, Paul? Paul: Y-y-yeah I guess Arc: -=taps quickly=- "Only if it were a horror flick." Techie: That's my department, character Aus: Now, as we are somewhat deficient in able-minded teachers, I will be instructing; Arc: -=taps=- "Just remember the sequels." Aus: Today's topic is "What -not- to do on an adventure."-=chuckles=- Techie: Uhm, die? Aus: This is important information that both characters and muns should know, so listen up!!! Shhh... have you been reading the textbook again, Tech? Laura: Techie: of course, I always read ahead if I can Aus: Yes, the most important thing to not do in an adventure, if possible, is die. Terrin: heh, it's why I'm still alive, after all Aus: Why? Well, first off, if you do, you have to trust to your companions (who were probably the reason you got killed) to survive whatever killed you. This usually requires they not be standing next to you, which probably means they sent -you- to go step in the trap - nice of them, isn't it? This also requires them to be: 1) able to resurrect you/put you back together/whatever,and 2) actually -want- to do so. Laura: Collect the parts! Paul: I got all my parts Techie: get the squegee Aus: Of course, this is not very likely, considering they didn't value your life enough to help you not get killed in the first place. Laura: Aus: Kender should be particularly careful, Terrin: you forgot the shark wrestling, mun Aus: because being a kender is universally equivalent to being a target that few fellow party members will even tolerate, much less rescue, unless for some reason the kender happens to owe them money. Terrin: of course, some of us are just idiotic and do it anyways Aus: Now, the second rule: Never, ever, ever, try to use the fact that someone owes you something Laura: (and if you don't know what a kender is, see this month's "Kender Korner" in the ARC paper) Aus : as a lever to try to get them to save you from imminent death and destruction. Paul: why not? Aus: See, if you die, they no longer owe you anything - so your death may be more benificial to them than your existence. Laura: Heh, cause if you kick it, they don't owe you. Paul: Oh I see. Might be good enough for me though =) Aus: Rule three: If you are an great and powerful being that cannot do anything to stop a great catastrophe from occurring, and you find a party of adventurers and tell -them- to do it, expect to recieve a very cool reception at least. This only works if you happen to actually be close friends with said party, Paul: And if not? Shidi: Aus: and if you have not asked them very recently for a similar favor. Eventually, even the bravest paladin, even to his own goddess, may have to turn and say "If you can't do it, what the hell am I supposed to do?" if one asks too much too often. Terrin: Where has that paladin been lately? Aus: Hmm? As for Henry, last anyone saw he was trying to drown Herb in pudding. Shidi: Training my guard troops. Terrin: . . we'll talk after this ArcticOwl2: -=chuckles=- Rule four: If you create something, no matter how innocent it might be, make sure there is: 1) a way to turn it off/disable it/kill it, and 2) that it cannot figure a way around #1. Many stories have been written about foolish mages and scientists who created things they couldn't control - go rent Jurassic Park or something. Laura: Aus: Rule five: If you see something a hell of a lot bigger than you coming, and it doesn't look remotely friendly, Paul: run Techie: run far and fast until you think of a way to take it down ArcticOwl2: do not, whatever heroically stupid thing you may do, stand there and wait for it to come within sword/lance range. Also, do not try to block it with a simple rinky-dink shield if you have to block it at all. Paul: hey may I ask something Aus: Yes, Paul? OnlineHost: Arnden has entered the room. Paul: Mind if I invite a friend in? Oops nevermind here she is. Laura: Friends are welcome. =) Techie: heh, once again the guests cometh Aus: Hmm. Paul: I can catch her up.. no worries Arnden: ::as the caped female enters she senses a known friend:: Should I not be here? Aus: Well, have a seat, m'lady, and leave your character at the door. Arnden: Why? That is no fun! Aus: You've wandered into a forum class, you are now required to sit down and listen. And your character may come in too, as long as you can keep separated. Arnden: Okay..> We can. Aus: Now, where was I? Ah, yes... A last note on rule 5: Never piss off something that big in the first place that you are not ready to fight with. Terrin: heh, someone tell that to Shidi Aus: All right, now... rule six: when you are in an adventure if you happen to be one of those individuals who can see a Narrator's Box, (and if you are, and you're not a mun, you are probably deranged), Shidi: Whaaaaattt? Aus: then do not attempt to annoy the person inside. This is -extremely- hazardous to your health, as well as that of anyone who happens to be in the area. Muns that live in boxes tend to be cranky about intruders. Aus: Rule seven: No matter what you are, no matter how long you have existed, you always start from the beginning. If you happen to have been an NPC who had a set dice value whose mun has decided to make you into a full-time character, be advised that you will have to actually earn your dice. Many a hopeful has found this out painfully, eh Loki? Loki: Shut up. Terrin: OnlineHost: Arnden has left the room. Laura: Now you know why you never saw Loki do battle the first adventure or two he was on. Terrin: better hope Morri doesn't find that out Asgar Loki: I -have- dice now, Ranger. Aus: -=chuckles=- Rule eight: Be careful what you say, and be -very- careful what you sign, Terrin: so does she Godling. Aus: because it may lead to trouble, eh Terrin? Terrin: Yep. SkeevenMac: I think my evil influence is rubbing off. Laura: Always read the fine print~ Arc: -=taps=- "No, you're just getting started." Techie: ::drags his character off:: no fighting in class now Aus: Rule nine: If you are a DM, GM, Narrator, or whatever you want to call it, do not hose the characters and muns without having a very good escape route. Better yet, don't do it often at all. If you want to make things hard, that's fine. If you want tomake things very hard, okay. Paul: (no comment) Aus: But if you want an adventure so tough that no character in the forum, out of the forum, or anywhere in existence could ever have a remote chance of figuring it out without trusting to rolling a 101 on 1d100, then you are likely not to get too many players or characters in range for another adventure. Aus: And last, and certainly not least... Do not, whatever you do, decide that stealth is irrelevant and decide to charge (whatever) while howling battle cries on every occasion. Terrin: stealth is nothing to forget Aus: Okay, so there are some characters that act like this for legitimate reasons, like for instance they are berserkers who are five cans short of a six-pack, so it is perfectly in character to charge blindly. Shidi: Or goddesses that get ticked. Aus: But saner people should bear in mind that being really quiet is good, and not being quiet makes you open season. Paul: What about cowering in fear? Techie: Where's the fun in that, though maybe Loki can answer that one. Aus: If you would like to walk into Hell in shining white armor, wielding a sword of holy light in one hand and a shield of purity in the other, be my guest. I will be surprised if you get farther than twenty feet. Laura: Aus: However, if you would like to at least disguise yourself as inhabitants, say lawyers, IRS agents, or Steve Case, then power be to you, at least you have a chance. Paul: so no cowering in fear? Techie: It gets dull when you see everyone else having all the fun Aus: Cowering in fear is good - for the bad guys, it means you make a good motionless target to kick/stab/kill/etc. Paul: Oh I see, right... had to ask Aus: For examples of the results of cowering in fear, see almost any beautiful non-heroine female in a horror film. Aus: This has been the abbreviated "Things -not- to do on an adventure" class; if you have more things not to do, general adventuring advice, or are just really bored, send your e-mail to ArcticOwl2@aol.com. And remember... the smart survive, the stupid make good wall decorations. Paul: YAY *eats apple for the teacher... oops*: Laura: Paul: YAY Techie: Hmm, nice quote Aus: -=takes out a BB gun and shoots the Stop button on the vent-hidden camera=-